36 Lessons I've Learned at 36 (That I Wish I Knew Sooner)

 Every year we’re gifted opportunities to learn— Some of these lessons came from hard seasons. Some from little everyday moments. And others from the quiet ways God showed me He was still writing my story.

As I gain another year, I can honestly say my life has been full of twists, heartbreaks, breakthroughs, and forgiveness. Along the way, some lessons have shaped who I am as a woman, mom, wife, friend, and coach.

Here are 36 lessons I’ve learned at 36.

Faith & Identity

1. God’s timing is better than my timeline.

2. Your worth isn’t found in work or titles.

3. Everyone grieves and heals differently—it’s always a process.

4. Your thoughts shape your reality—for better or worse.

5. Saying “no” is often the most respectful answer.

Your dreams are valid, even if others don’t see them.

Faith and identity are the foundation I keep coming back to. I’ve tried to control timelines and what trying to predict what will happen next, only to learn that God’s timing and wisdom has always been better than mine. Titles fade and jobs change, but worth is unshakable. Healing has taught me that grief looks different for everyone, and so does recovery. And the more I protect my thoughts and dreams—saying “no” when I need to—the more peace I find in walking out my purpose.

Boundaries & Balance

7. Balance isn’t about equal weight—it’s about priorities aligned with your values.

8. Rest is productive and necessary.

9. Busyness does not equal proactive.

10. Margin allows you to breathe.

Create + honor healthy boundaries. You have a right to what you need and what is right for you and yours. It won’t be accepted by everyone, but it’s not their life—it’s yours.

Balance isn’t about juggling it all perfectly. It’s about aligning what I do with what actually matters. Rest has become non-negotiable, and margin—the little spaces where I can breathe—keeps me sane. Boundaries have been the hardest but most life-giving lessons: they’re not about pushing people away but protecting what matters most.

Motherhood & Family

11. Mom guilt is a liar.

12. My son doesn’t need supermom—he needs a present one.

13. Marriage takes intentionality, not autopilot.

14. It’s okay to parent differently than others.

15. Marriage/Parenting is a team effort.

16. Blood makes you related, it does not make you family. (But sometimes it’s nice to know there are people who didn’t forget about you on either side.)

Motherhood has been the greatest teacher. Guilt used to sit heavy on me, but I’ve learned it’s a lie. Conditioning by the world that says I need to do and be all the things a certain way. My son doesn’t need perfect; he needs me, present and authentic. Marriage, too, doesn’t thrive on autopilot—it needs intention. We run our household like a team. There is not one “job” that the other can’t do or help with or cover.

I’ve had a lot of differences of opinion, distance, and disappointment around my blood ties but after many years, it’s nice to know that some are still there to fall back on or never really left. I also know that chosen/gifted family can shatter any ceiling of love you were ever taught.

Resilience & Perseverance

17. Trauma doesn’t disqualify you—it shapes you.

18. Failing is necessary. What you learn from it is where you succeed.

19. Perseverance is sometimes just the next small step.

20. Systems done right equal freedom.

21. Perfectionism is the lowest standard you can have for yourself. It’s unachievable. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

Resilience isn’t born in big, heroic moments—it’s built one decision at a time. Trauma tried to define me, but it ended up shaping me. Failure? It’s a necessary teacher. Perseverance is just trained persistence. And I’ve learned that healthy systems in life and business actually create freedom. Perfectionism, though, steals it—it’s an impossible standard that sets you up to fail before you begin. When we fear making a mistake, we won’t even try or we will self-sabotage so we never see failure.

Work & Career

22. Careers are fleeting, but “Mom” lasts forever.

23. You can build from scratch more than once.

24. Success without peace is not success.

25. “High-capacity” doesn’t mean doing it all—it means being able to focus on what matters most.

I used to chase titles and promotions, but careers shift and fade. The title that has mattered most is “Mom.” Every moment as a mom, I will never get back, but those memories will follow both us forever. I’ve also learned that building from scratch isn’t a failure—it’s proof of resilience. Success without peace is not success at all. And being “high-capacity” isn’t about doing everything, it’s about focusing on what matters most.

Friendship & Community

26. Intentional friendships are worth the effort.

27. Vulnerability does not make you weak—it shows you were worth an attack and builds resilience.

28. You don’t need a big circle—just a trusted one. The right friendships not only teach you to be a better friend, they support you, and both sides are all in when life gets hard, even when it’s at the same time.

29. My home is my safe haven. Treat it as such. You have every right to state what you do and don’t need.

30. Comparison is a lie. You see through a jaded perception when you look at someone else’s grass.

Friendships in adulthood take work and understanding, but the right ones are worth every bit of it. Vulnerability showed me I am a threat and that it’s a secret weapon. There is not one My home is where I protect my peace, where I find rest, where my family can reset. Comparison only clouds judgement and connection. You are the 5 people you spend the most time with. So choose those people wisely. Your trusted circle is vital to the life you want to live and the person you want to become.

Health & Self-Care

31. Movement is medicine.

32. Your energy follows your focus—be intentional where you place it.

33. Self-care is not selfish. Just because you put others first does not mean you put you last.

34. Sleep + Environment changes everything.

35. You could be one conditioned belief away from a breakthrough.

Health isn’t just about the physical—it’s about mental, emotional, and spiritual wholeness. Movement has always been medicine for me. It was a way for me to decompress. Walking always helped me sift through my anxious thoughts or externally process with a friend. Don’t waste energy on the negative because the more you focus on it the more you will stay there. Self-care has taught me that pouring into myself allows me to pour into others. Environment? Can be the gateway to start creating a lasting change. And Sleep? It changes everything. And sometimes the only thing standing between you and breakthrough is shifting one old belief.

Perspective

36. Life isn’t black and white—it’s about choosing what’s right for your season

The older I get, the more I realize life is not about absolutes. It’s about making choices that fit the season you’re in, letting go of expectations that don’t serve you, and having faith in the God to close + open the doors you are meant to walk through.

These 36 lessons aren’t the end of the story—they’re just markers along the way. They came from places of joy, grief, failure, resilience, love, and everyday life. Some I learned the hard way, some I’m still learning, I’m a work lovely work in progress. Life is full of mountains and valley’s but I would be lying if I said those valley’s didn’t teach me something about those mountaintops and vice versa.

If even one of these resonated with you, I hope you carry it into your own journey. And maybe—just maybe—you’ll take time to reflect on your own list of lessons, too.